Monster Vice by Saunders George P

Author:Saunders, George P. [Saunders, George P.]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2012-01-31T04:30:00+00:00

* * *

I smile, and find this genuinely amusing.

“Okay, now you’re putting me on.”

“No, Dick. I am still a virgin. I have never known a man. At least, sexually.”

I am mystified. “But … the Master Vampire said he could reproduce like human beings. Is that a lie?”

“No, it is the truth. Vampires, contrary to the dark ramblings of myth, and Hollywood, are wholly capable of biological reproduction,” Dracula speaks up again. “And many of us are quite fond of sex. And there are those who have no use for it any longer, like myself.”

I have no interest in Dracula’s sexual ambivalence. My focus again shifts to Samantha, an amazingly beautiful woman who continues to exponentially captivate my heart and loins simultaneously.

I realize I am sputtering again. “But … you don’t look … I mean, you don’t seem like … it’s just that –“

“Are you implying I look like a little slut, Dick? Is there an absence of virtue in my demeanor, or manner of speech? Do I look like a whore?”

I shut up, and then realize she’s messing with me. She laughs softly, and it is a beautiful laugh. I smile, and fuck me gently with a blunt power-tool, but I believe I’m blushing.

“No,” I stammer in my best wussy. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you seem so … worldly.”

“I am worldly,” Samantha says, still smiling. “Worldly, but not prone to frequent acts of fornication.”

“By choice, I assume.”

“Completely. I have yet to meet anyone who I would want to do the Nasty with. I believe that’s how, among other phrases, screwing is referred to these days, yes?”

“Uh, yep. That’s certainly one way of putting it.” I believe I am falling in love with Samantha, and I turn to Mirabelle, who stares at me with what I swear is a touch of jealousy and hurt.

Samantha continues with her saga of how Dracula found her in a field one twilight, near her church, and consumed with that strange and horrific affliction to all vampires known as the Hunger, took her mortal life by feeding on her. He had used restraint, and thus, she became a full-fledged, ass-kicking, red-hot smoking, vampire-babe who, by the way, could also fuck but chose not to for the most fundamental and touchingly romantic of reasons, that being ….

… she had yet to fall in love.

Samantha went on to say that she and Dracula had become friends, and she thus was invited to be his traveling companion through the ages. He taught her how to feed on animals only, how to instill terror in the hearts of pigeons everywhere, and how best to disappear from the world of men during those periods of the Hunger stranglehold. She was versed in no less than twenty languages, but that she would need to brush up on her Eskimo Inuit, if push came to shove. She had disciplined herself to learn every Martial Arts technique in existence, as well becoming proficient in any number of weapons warfare and personal combat.

She could

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